It’s a crisp winter’s morn — heavy frost but brilliant sunshine — the man said that was the best situation for the photo-voltaic  cells — got to dash — got to look at the meter — we’ve  got a little house with a smiley face — the water’s hot and we are exporting — our newly minted electricity is flowing into the National Grid — that’s bad, we should be using it — it’s free — got to put the washing machine on — WE’RE GENERATING!

Whoops — No we’re not — the sun must have gone in — I’ll just pop out and look at the sky — we might manage a short wash later, between clouds — Oh no!  Look!  We’re importing!  Oh Alan, the smiley face has gone.

Something must be on!  I’ll check that all the lights are off, is the fridge motor running?  You haven’t put the kettle on, HAVE YOU?  The computer’s on?  Oh yes, so it is.

That’s it — I’ve got it — acute green-energy dementia!  I think that’s how they work, the solar panels — not so much by generating as by focusing you on switching things off!

Like a Druid I watch the movement of the great celestial orb.  Our fixed panels are a compromise between a right angle to the sun’s rays in summer and a right angle to the rays in winter so are almost always at a wrong angle — this results in rumination and ranting.

We are constantly checking.  Look! they are in shadow.

It’s those damn trees!

I can’t see!   I’m blind from looking at the Sun!